Words of Wisdom

If you've spent any time online lately, you're familiar with so-called "listicles" — those irresistible lists of trivial facts that pass for "online content" these days. You know what we mean: "13 Cute Cat Videos to Watch Now," or "27 Hot Celebrities Who Overcame Teenage Acne," or even "5 Redesigned Acme Products That'll Help Wile E. Coyote Murder Roadrunner." Listicles may sound like something new, but they've actually been around since Moses came down from Mt. Sinai. And who are we to buck such a popular trend? So here, for your reading pleasure, are "Eight Quotes About Taxes to Put A Smile on Your Face":

"If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to prepare the return."
Kirk Kirkpatrick

"I have no idea what was in my federal tax return. Like 93 percent of all U.S. taxpayers, I just sign it and send it in. For all I know, it states that I am a professional squid wrangler."
Dave Barry

"The Opera reminds me of my tax audit. It was in a language I didn’t understand. And it ended in tragedy."
Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins (‘‘Jeff MacNelly’s Shoe’’)

"Most voters would rather have their purse or wallet stolen than be audited by the IRS."
Frank Luntz

"Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form."
Laurence J. Peter (the "Peter Principle")

"Like many Americans, I face a patriotic dilemma: how much cheating can I get away with? It's important to pay your taxes but it's just as important to pay as little tax as possible. Think of it as putting government on a diet."
Stephen Colbert

"Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution."
Woody Allen

"Government can’t deliver a free lunch to the country as a whole. It can, however, determine who pays for lunch."
Warren Buffett

Look, we realize any one of David Letterman's "Top Ten" lists is probably funnier than a collection of tax quotes. But can David Letterman give you a plan for paying less tax? We didn't think so!

Thoughts on Taxes for 2014

2013 has been a big year for taxes. The "fiscal cliff" deal boosted the top federal income tax rate to 39.6%; "Obamacare" added new taxes on top earners; and dozens of state and local governments raised their taxes, too. Congress will finish 2013 even more divided than it began, which will probably protect us from new taxes next year. But here are some quotes to ease the sting of this year's higher bills:

"[A tax loophole is] something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform."
Sen. Russell B. Long (D-LA)

"The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."
Anonymous

"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement.' Not so. No one was fooled."
Dan Quayle

"When we played, World Series checks meant something. Now all they do is screw up your taxes."
Hall of Fame pitcher Don Drysdale

"When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin."
Mae West

"The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that’s where we must focus our efforts."
Dave Barry

"Late one night, just blocks from the Capitol, a mugger jumped into the path of a well-dressed fellow and stuck a gun in his ribs. 'Give me your money,' the thief demanded. 'Are you kidding?' the man said. 'I’m a U.S. congressman.' 'In that case,' the mugger growled, cocking his weapon, 'give me my money.'"
Playboy Magazine

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
George Bernard Shaw

On a more serious note, we wish you all the best this holiday season, and we look forward to serving all your tax-planning needs in 2014!

Dad and Taxes

Sunday was Father's Day, and if your family is like most, you talked about golf, or fishing, or the latest happenings on Duck Dynasty. You probably didn't talk about taxes, just because Dad doesn't like paying them! So here are some "father and family" themed tax quotes to put a smile on your face today:

"Every year, the night before he paid his taxes, my father had a ritual of watching the news. We figured it made him feel better to know that others were suffering."
Narrator, The Wonder Years television series

"My father has a great expression: 'The capital-gains tax has created more millionaires than any other government policy.' The capital-gains tax tends to make investors hold longer. That is almost always the right decision."
Chris Davis

"Our forefathers made one mistake. What they should have fought for was representation without taxation."
Fletcher Knebel

"Throughout the first half of our history, Americans hated tax with passion, something they inherited from the founding fathers."
Charles Adams

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
P.J. O'Rourke

"The trouble with being a breadwinner nowadays is that the government is in for such a big slice."
Mary McCoy

"A well-timed death is the acme of good tax planning, better even than a well-timed marriage."
Donald C. Alexander (former IRS Commissioner under Rixhard M. Nixon)

"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract — teach him to deduct."
Fran Lebowitz

If Dad wants to pay less tax, he needs the same thing you do — a proactive tax plan! Summer may not seem like the obvious time to do it, but now is when we have the most time available to help you pay less. So have Dad give us a call — he'll appreciate paying less tax a lot more than he'll appreciate another tie!

Marry for Love

April 15 is almost here, and many of you are still scrambling to get your returns ready to file. Here's a collection of fun quotes to help you "sprint to the finish" this tax season:

"Another difference between death and taxes is that death is frequently painless."
Anonymous

"A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right."
Anonymous

"A citizen can hardly distinguish between a tax and a fine, except the fine is generally much lighter."
G.K. Chesterton

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that is the closest our country has ever been to being even."
Will Rogers

"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
Ann Landers

"The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them."
Anonymous

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."
Joe E. Lewis

"People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women."
Anonymous

"Once -- just once -- I'd like to be fixed up with a guy who earns in a year what I pay in taxes."
Anonymous Female Lawyer

"I'm putting all my money in taxes -- it's the only thing sure to go up."
Anonymous

Cracking jokes about taxes is easy. Paying less is usually a little harder. That's why we're here -- to give you the plan you need to minimize your bill. So call us when you're ready to get serious about keeping more of what you make!

Hot Thoughts

Hot Thoughts

What do Margaret Mitchell, Mark Twain, and Shaquille O'Neill all have in common? None of them like paying taxes, that's what! Here's a collection of tax quotes to start your day.

"Death and taxes and childbirth. There's never any convenient time for any of them."
Margaret Mitchell

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt."
Herbert Hoover

"You know we all hate paying taxes, but the truth of the matter is without our tax money, many politicians wouldn't be able to afford prostitutes."
Jimmy Kimmel

"The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect."
Sam Ewing

"Basic tax, as everyone knows, is the only genuinely funny subject in law school."
Martin Ginsburg (Professor, Georgetown University Law Center)

"You'd be surprised at the frivolous things people spend their money on. Taxes, for example."
Nuveen Investments (Advertisement)

"If you sell your soul to the Devil, do you need a receipt for tax purposes?"
Mark Russell

"I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes."
Mark Twain

"Last time I looked at a check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.'"
Shaquille O'Neill

"The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes -- naturally, no one wants to live any other way."
Judith Martin ("Miss Manners")

We hope you enjoyed these quotes. But please remember this: there's nothing funny about paying more tax than you legally have to. If this summer's heat has your blood boiling about taxes and you're looking for a plan to pay less, call us today!